Let's talk about Flambéing:

When a man gets to be a certain age, things start going wrong. His back starts to hurt. He gets winded ten minutes into his morning run. His groin area takes on an unfamiliar, sponge-like quality–even though adult entertainment seems to have gotten better. For those of us who live in the materially-comfortable West, the aging process also brings with it an existential crisis. Bombarded with consumer choice, or the illusion of it, we're ill-equipped to deal with the lack of agency that comes with the natural failing of our bodily systems. There are a number of ways men react to this. Some have extramarital affairs. Some start playing golf. Others sublimate their rapidly shrinking libido, purchasing an Audi or BMW. All of these men are doing the same thing. Namely, slamming their car in reverse, speeding backwards through the woods, and hitting every tree along the way in search for the road not taken. These men, are flambérs.

If you're unfamiliar with Flambé, it's a French word that roughly translates to "set this pan on fire to impress your date. Hopefully you'll get laid." Despite what other prominent culinary bloggers might tell you, flambéing does nothing to enhance the flavor of whatever you're cooking. No, it doesn't burn the alcohol out of the dish while preserving the liquor's natural flavor. Really? But I thought... Okay. It does. But the recipe below calls for little more than 1/2 a shot of rum.

As it turns out, flambéing is the culinary equivalent of Cialis for daily use. It doesn't give you back your virility, but the illusion of virility. You're still disappointing your wife/mistress. I promise. I may have mixed the metaphor here. Apply it to cooking somehow. Anyway, here's a no-flambé bananas foster recipe. I promise it tastes just as good.

Ingredients:

3/4 stick of butter

1/4 stick of cannabutter

2/3 cup of brown sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

3 1/2 teaspoons of rum

3 bananas peeled and sliced in half length wise

1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon

2 bowls of ice cream (size negotiable)

Step 1 

Melt the butter and canna butter in a large skillet. After it's melted, slowly add sugar, vanilla extract, cinnamon, and rum.

Step 2

Once the mixture starts bubbling, add the bananas. Cook for about on minute. Pour the mixture over your ice cream.